18 Years Young!

Something happened lately that has blown my mind. Christopher Michael May turned 18! How is that even possible?! Yes, it's cliche, and yes, I am one of those people that posts those " I can't believe my baby is ___ years old every year" on Facebook every year. I'm proud of my children, and I sure wont apologize for that. It's just crazy how one moment they are babies and the next they are legally responsible for themselves. 

 

I remember being 16 and realizing that I was pregnant. I was a good kid, a good kid that made a bad decision. I knew even in that moment that I loved my baby more than anything, and I knew that I didn't regret him at all. I still feel the same 18 years later. You see, that little baby boy has taught me more in 18 years than I would have probably ever experienced if I didn't make that "bad decision". I haven't always made the best life decisions, but I hope he knows that every thought I've had since he was born has  revolved around his well being. He and his siblings, along with Steve,  are my everything. 

So, that brings me to the present time. He had a rocky year last year. We all did, but he has made me so proud. He's showed resilience, and that makes this mom super happy. He finished high school early, and he is working full time. He has a beautiful girlfriend (inside and out), and he is about to move into his own place. I'm still trying to accept that he's old enough for all of that.  At least, it's in walking distance, right? Ha, I'm grabbing for straws to make me feel better.  Even though I'm aware there will be mistakes and bumps along the way, I have zero doubts that his future is so bright!

He's just an awesome kid (young man). I sat back the other day and watched him, and  I could still see my little boy running through the house with his superman costume on. It happens so fast, yall! 

It made my heart happy to see the young man that I've raised. He's so smart, so handsome, and so dang funny. I am so incredibly blessed. That bad decision that I made over 18 years ago turned out to be the absolute best decision of my life. I love you so much, Christopher. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me you.  

Thanks for being you! 😘

Taking Back Tiffany

This past year has been a year of change for me. Looking back, I realize that I wasted way too much time feeling sorry for myself and wishing that others would see the "real" me. I felt that I needed to be validated or understood completely. I've been judged, ridiculed, and flat out lied about. I let it turn my life upside down, and, as I type that I see how stupid that sounds.


Wow, what I would say to others that did exactly what I did. I would tell them to forget what others think, to focus on what's really important, and just live life.
Why is it that we get caught up in others opinions? Why is it some of us are people pleasers? Why do we even care? I don't have all of those answers, but I do know that it can consume you. It can hurt you like nothing else, and it can take away too many moments that should be spent having fun. While it's true that I've lost a few "friends" over the past 12 months or so, it is, also, true that it has helped me see what really matters. I'm not, in any way, trying to sound like a victim. These are just my thoughts. I've made my own share of mistakes, but I still know my worth. I know who I am deep inside. I know that I will love and forgive when many others won't, and I, also, know that is probably what allows me to be hurt in the first place.

You won't make everyone happy in life, you won't be everyone's idea of perfection, and you won't always be seen in the best light. But....you can choose to be happy, choose to move on, choose to forgive,  and you can choose to start really living life. I'm going to do just that, I'm taking back Tiffany!

The day he left....

The day he left turned my entire world upside down. I'm referring to my "Gaga". He passed away this last year on March 21, 2015 from a massive heart attack. It completely and totally shocked us all. I'm still dealing with the shock 10 months later. Some days, I'm doing good. Other days, I'm grieving like no other. You would think I would have this whole grieving thing down pat, but that's just not the case. If I've learned anything in 35 years it's that every loss/death is different no matter if the love of the individuals was in comparison.

The day he left was a regular, ordinary day. He and nana was visiting our house. We had country fried ham and Gaga's world famous biscuits (okay, I thought they were the best in the world) for brunch that day. Nana was helping me with some packing, and Gaga was watching some tv. He hadn't been feeling well, but we just thought it was his normal breathing issues. Next thing I know, he was gone. That fast. So fast that I couldn't even comprehend it. So fast that I still haven't comprehended it.

No words could explain just how much he meant to me. He was the one that I looked up to for so many years. The one that NEVER let me down, ever. He was at every surgery I had, every party I threw, and on the end of every phone call that I made needing him. He was my rock. He made everything better. Now, I'm struggling to find a sense of normalcy. To be honest, he is why I've pushed through, because I know that's exactly what he would want me to do.

The day he left, a part of me left too...

Seven year break?

It would take forever to try and document every important moment that has occurred in the last 7 years, so whatever I don't mention in this post will  eventually come up if needed. (Or remembered by me...ha! I'm getting old). Anyway, I'll go straight to the important details. I realized around the 1st of the year that I missed blogging and having a way to document memories that my children could one day look back on. That is my primary if not only reason for blogging. I may not even give this address out to any one. I made it a resolution, if you will, to start back up, so here we go....


Three years ago this month, Steve and I made the decision to move to Branson, Missouri. (Actually, the surrounding area). We just both had the feeling that God was leading our family there. Overall, it seemed like a great move for the kids and everyone's future. It started out rocky with Steve's promised job falling through, but eventually, everything fell in place. I'm not by any means saying it's been peaches and cream. We've had life lessons and our share of mistakes. I'll touch on that another day. We have, recently, learned to sit back and be patient. We are living in Kimberling City, MO. Steve works at Nissan, and I'm not currently employed due to health reasons. I still enjoy my days surrounded by children. I, was,  employed by Christian Associates as a daycare director. I felt like it was my perfect place to be, but, unfortunately, they closed it down due to financial issues. It's probably for the best considering health issues that I've had.

The children are great, growing WAY too fast. Bryleigh is 11, Eli is 13, and Christopher is 18!! I will take time soon to update on them individually. Let's just say that they still are my reason for living. That pretty much says it all. :)

This past year was one heck of a roller coaster, but I will touch on that in my next couple of posts.

All in all, that gives a good idea of where we are and what we are up to. I know this post has been a lot of rambling, but, let's be honest, most of my posts will be. I just speak from my mind and what's on it.

Love always,

Tiffany